A Bored Dog is Not a Happy Dog

Apart from being educated about the rules of the household, dogs also need to be amused.  Boredom is the cause of many holes dug in the garden or washing ripped from the line – the devil finds work for idle paws.  Most young dogs are mentally highly active, and if you don’t occupy them, the trouble begins.  It doesn’t take long for the average dog to investigate the garden and learn where everything is, and after a few months the environment presents no fresh challenges.  If you haven’t made your dog’s life interesting, the animal will find its own ways of amusing itself.

You’ve got to spend time with your dog, even if it is with simple communication, reinforcing the message that your are boss dog.  You must give it a taste of adventure, by taking it into the wider environment, and that means regularly walking your dog.  Breeds like Labradors and Kelpies need to walk five kilometers a day so, if you can’t walk the dog, find someone to do it for you.  The walk burns up physical energy, and some of that inherent curiousity.  If you bring the dog home from a walk and give it a bone, this will occupy it mentally.  After that it will snooze instead of digging up the lawn.

Stressed


I have a project at work that involves writing tips on how to handle stress. Here’s one of them:

“If you are feeling stressed, it may be a sign that you are constipated. When you are irregular, tremendous pressure builds up behind your asshole, and this causes your muscles to tighten and stiffen. To remedy this, stick your thumb up your ass and feel around for a blockage. If you find something — a toothbrush or a root vegetable or what-have-you — pull it out and discard it. And never stick anything up your butt again.”

The research I’ve seen shows that something like 60% of doctor visits are related to stress. The high-paid experts have therefore devised a list of behaviors they think will help to flatten this trend and save the health care companies’ money for more important things, like executive compensation that can be used for twice-cooked meth and child support payments and expensive whores who know how to be discreet.

The stress management recommendations I’m writing, each developed by someone else and plagiarized by me, run the gamut from the unlikely (exercise more often, eat healthier) to the undesirable (stop drinking alcohol and caffeine) to the childish (take 10 deep breaths and keep repeating your mantra after each, which for me would certainly be “cocksucker”) to the full-on asinine (take up yoga because once you contort yourself into such a pretzel-like form that you can tickle the bottom of your scrotum with your left eyelashes, you’ll be so worried about getting unstuck that you’ll forget why you were stressed in the first place).

This project is, for me, an exercise in self-contradiction. I’m exceptionally stressed right now, mostly because I’m worried about losing the job that necessitates my writing the aforementioned drivel. Yet when I consider all of the stress-relief methods about which I have written, not a single one sounds appealing, realistic or interesting.

For me, the stress relief has always meant powering home a Quarter-Pounder with cheese, washing it back with a few cans of Meister Brau, rubbing one out to the big-titted weathergirl known to me as “Sparkletits” and hitting the sack. But yoga? And kale? Feh!

Last night, the needle on my stress level meter red-lined. I was crabby and anxious and gritting my teeth together so hard that this morning I shit out a few metal fillings. So I woke up early this morning and decided to follow my own advice. I went to the gym. Blech.

Lo and behold, the experience was turning out to be somewhat tolerable. It was early, so I had the entire basketball court to myself. For about 30 minutes, I ran and sweated and even hit the rim a few times. I pretended I was Magic Johnson, running around like a lunatic, dribbling the ball behind my back and passing it to imaginary teammates and throwing circus shots over my head. If you must know, I was fucking awesome. Suddenly, my stress was melting.

And then she came in.

She had humongous hair. She spoke very loudly. And everything she was wearing was pink. She’s one of those women who comes to the gym to be seen, clearly oblivious that with the way she was dressed and perfumed, she would “be seen” in the same way that an 18-wheeler driving on the wrong side of the road with no breaks would be seen.

“Nice shot,” she said. (See. I made one.)

“Thanks,” I said, meekly and rudely, as in “Isn’t it time for your flea dip?”

“Mind if I shoot with you?”

“Actually, I’m just finishing up,” I said.

“Oh, wassamatuh? You afraid of a girl beating you?”

“No,” I said. “I’m afraid that if I accidentally rub up against you, I’ll catch your crazy and end up looking and smelling like a third-place poodle in the Westminster Dog Show.”

Then I left and got a Quarter-Pounder.

Love the Daily Walks

wl003725.jpgWe love daily walks; good, nourishing food to eat; a comfortable bed; a regular brush and comb and an occasional bath to keep us clean. We thoroughly enjoy meeting and romping with other dogs in the parks, chasing after a ball and bringing it back and playing with an assortment of toys at home that we get as birthday and Christmas presents and at other times. They are great fun to play with.

Training can be great fun, too. It gives us some work to do and prevents us from getting bored. All well-trained dogs are happy dogs for they are working so closely with their owners. What more could we ask for?

Like humans, we dogs are creatures of habit. We often amaze people with the things we do at certain times of the day. We also have an uncanny way of knowing things, which has simply mystified people for centuries. It is as if we have an inner sense that cannot be explained. We can sense all types of danger. We know those who love us and those who do not. We all have our ways of doing things. This can be seen from breed to breed. We’ve all been bred for different purposes.

Unfortunately, some dogs get a really bad deal-they’re tied up all day, left in a backyard or constantly scratching because they get fleas on them that drive them mad. They hate being teased, screamed and shouted at; worse still, they hate being hit or having things thrown at them. Only ignorant, cruel, noncaring people treat them that way.

However, for all our needs to which our kind owners provide and the vets who do such wonderful work in caring for our health, we can give so much in return. We like giving comfort to the lonely, happiness to the sad, support and protection to those who need it, a calming effect on those with health problems and many more things. But the most treasured thing we can give is true companionship.

Dog Food Coupons – Get Affordable, High Quality Food for Your Pet

Pet owners want the best for their animals. Yet, if you own a dog, you know that dog food is quite expensive. Name brand dog food is usually high priced, no matter if we’re talking about dry food, canned meals and treats. However, the alternative should never be simply to offer your dog leftovers – they’re just not healthy for canines.

One possible solution to the price problem is to invest in Purina dog food coupons. Stay alert for such offers in the local stores, pet food shops or newspapers. You will be surprised how much you can end up saving with these offers. Of course, you will not always be able to buy the same brand, but, as they say, variety is the key to a happy and healthy life. So, instead of worrying about what to feed your pet, get the scissors and start cutting out the offers from the local newspaper or start searching online. You will save a bundle and your dog will be joyful, too.
Pet owners want the best for their animals. Yet, if you own a dog, you know that dog food is quite expensive. Name brand dog food is usually high priced, no matter if we’re talking about dry food, canned meals and treats. However, the alternative should never be simply to offer your dog leftovers – they’re just not healthy for canines.

One possible solution to the price problem is to invest in Purina dog food coupons. Stay alert for such offers in the local stores, pet food shops or newspapers. You will be surprised how much you can end up saving with these offers. Of course, you will not always be able to buy the same brand, but, as they say, variety is the key to a happy and healthy life. So, instead of worrying about what to feed your pet, get the scissors and start cutting out the offers from the local newspaper or start searching online. You will save a bundle and your dog will be joyful, too.